In Search of the Compassionate Heart

Image from The Wizard of Oz 1939 Director Frank Fleming

There are times when I start to feel so totally beaten up by life and mean people and day to day crap that it's hard to stay on the sunny side. I've worked so hard to get where I am and yet...still...there are always going to be people who simply don't get it, get me, like me, act kindly to me. It's not just me, this is true for all of us. There are always going to be people who have no compunction at all about kicking other people squarely in the gut just to watch them fall over and gasp for air. For the most part, these people are petty, small and insecure and hurting others makes them feel powerful.

One can know this and yet, still, it hurts doesn't it?

I'm working on a list of situations to avoid and conversely situations to embrace as I continue the relentless pursuit of joy:

1. Don't read internet comments, reviews or message boards where you might be the topic of conversation. Yes, they may say lovely things that make you feel good, but the flip side of that is there is no shortage of nasty trolls out there who take great pleasure in saying nasty things about people they don't know. Everyone has an agenda, even nasty trolls. If you believe every good thing that is said about you, it's possible there may be some kernel of truth to the not so good things. I'm just saying. At the very least, if they're talking about you, you've made some impact!

2. Never, ever, ever give your power to anyone else. No one is superior to you. Personal and professional relationships succeed when they're based on mutual respect. If someone treats you like crap and you allow it, you are to blame.

3. Choose your battles and don't be afraid to stand your ground. It's okay to say no emphatically. Often capitulation leads to misery. If you feel it deeply down to your core, you're probably right. Proceed with that in mind.

4. Don't allow other people to define you. You define you. Period.

5. Remember that popularity is an illusion. Fame is a drug. True joy comes from loving yourself and loving others and knowing that a few real friends are worth thousands of acquaintances. The moment you start to feel important, you're drinking the Kool-Aid. You're no more or less important than anyone else on the planet.

6. Shit happens to everyone. Your tragedy and triumph are not unique. When you have a bad day or a bad week, the universe is not conspiring against you and you alone. Chances are there are millions of people having a much worse week than you...and millions on the flip side of that equation. There are choices, consequences and then the x-factor is chaos. We can only control how we react when chaos takes the wheel.

7. If you can find something to laugh about in the middle of chaos, you're doing better than most people.

8. Words and actions have consequences. People have feelings, just like you do. Choose your words wisely, strive always to be kind. Think how it would feel if what you're about to say (or write or do) was said or done to you. Seek the compassionate heart, it is why we are here.

9. For every crappy person, there is one Joe Anello from US Airways who goes out of their way to fix a broken itinerary, battle a broken computer, walk across the airport to get your new boarding passes and makes you remember that kind gestures matter...immensely.

10. Contrary to popular belief, sometimes it's about the journey and sometimes it's actually about the destination. Sometimes the journey sucks wind. When your plane gets rerouted twice, you spend hours trudging through a series of airports feeling like a zombie, the airline loses your luggage and their office is closed, your roommate locks you out in the freezing cold in the middle of the night, you're wearing sandals and leggings and you end up sleeping alone in a strange cold room without your PJs or make up remover and have to do the walk of shame the next morning to the lobby where everyone you're traveling with is enjoying a tasty breakfast, you think you lost your rental car keys and realize you didn't after you pay the roadside service guy fifty smackers to come out and unlock your car, the TOTALLY overpriced delivery guy forgets to leave napkins and cutlery with your mac n cheese and iceberg lettuce wedge so you have to eat them with your fingers, you take said aforementioned smelly dinner remnants to trash in your robe and the key becomes inactivated so you have to go to the front desk in your robe and slippers and then get back to realize the mini bar is not stocked with wine and you REALLY need it, you get intentionally screwed over while out of town and can't do a thing to stop it, you spend the week breathing second hand smoke through your compromised lungs, the chef gets your breakfast order wrong three times in forty five minutes... When a series of unfortunate events like these happen...it's ALL about the destination. Screw the journey. Because the only thing that is real is your family and being with them and you will walk through fire to get back to them. They'll lift you up, they'll wipe away your tears, they'll hold you closely when you cry big fat sobbing tears, they'll laugh when you recall the tragicomic details of your travels...and they'll remind you that Dorothy was right.

There is no place like home. That's where the compassionate heart was all along.

Rock on,
Madge

Some New Year's Zen...and Then Some.

"After a certain age you have to choose between your fanny and your face." Catherine Deneuve

I'm not sure why it is that as we age, time flies faster and faster. This scientifically proven fact* seems to fly in the face of the ancient citizens living in my corner of Tennessee who have taken slow driving to a whole new level of frustrating. You'd think they'd be racing to keep up with the ever accelerating pace of the passage of time, but it appears that slowing waaaaaaaaaay down is a deeper form of denial.

"No, time is not going faster as I get older. See? It took me ten minutes to make that turn. Ten minutes! Take that, hourglass!"

It's just that Christmas seems to be here again before you can say Kris Kringle and I could swear it was just New Year's yesterday and the time keeps slipping into the future so rapidly and so inconsequentially it's positively baffling. Almost, but not quite as baffling as that run on sentence. One wonders, meaning this blogger wonders, exactly how to stay in the moment when the moment is so fleeting?

Ah, grasshopper, this is the question. Where is that Zen Master when you need him?

I have gained an ongodly amount of weight this year. Welcome to menopause, Madge. One can only hide behind so many drapey sweaters and large planters. It has been slowly coming on over the past two years, but this summer with the move and the stress and the excessive eating at restaurants...well SHAZAM. My ass is billboard worthy, and no, it's not worthy of putting on a billboard. It is however worthy of renting out as prime advertising space. It's Madge's Ass-o-gram. Got something you want to say? Let my posterior help you say it with attitude!

Call now, operators are standing by. So is a team of structural engineers who doubt these jeans are going to hold on much longer.

That's all I have to say about that. Suffice it to say, Madge is getting her smaller ass back this year. Operation Booty Shrink is about to take flight.

Besides I refuse to buy a larger size of jeans and I really like my clothing collection.

I'm a Leo, we are vain and silly creatures.

I usually have some profound advice to share on New Year's and I swear I would pull some out of the old kit bag, but I'm fresh out of profound. Here's all I've got and there ain't no more.

Life is short. People say that often and it's a trite little thought that actually rings true. Most of the things we think are important aren't even remotely real. The only thing that is real is love. The love you share with those around you and the love you allow others to share with you is real. Do go ahead and allow others to share it with you, even when you don't much feel the love. Think of it as a chain, now you be the next link and share it with someone else. See how that works? You can't be a link if you can't accept the love and pass it on.

That's a kind of profound little thought there, maybe you can mull it over with your New Year's champagne. You can't be a link if you can't accept the love and pass it on. If you just pass it on like it's a hot potato and don't allow it to wash over you and through you and make you feel that rush of being alive, you're not really living.

All of the things we do every day to feel important are for the most part illusions. It's the smallest gestures of kindness that matter. It's the moments we let go of our ego and our attachments and our concerns about the size of our asses in which we shine. Those moments seem to go far more slowly, have you noticed that?

So I raise my glass to you and wish you all of the joy you can stand and then some. You deserve it. And big ass or small, so do I.

Love
Madge

Go see my Champagne Wishes Video for Jewel School! No really! Go!

*Don't consult Lord Google, this is not a scientifically proven fact. I was just exaggerating for literary effect.

The Tao of Success

The Tao of Success
(or My Five Worst Personality Traits and How They Drive My Career)

(Baby Madge ponders turning some simple red ribbon into an artistic masterpiece...or maybe she's about to accidentally choke herself. Put down the camera, people!)

I have been thinking lately about what makes me unique and why it matters. This post is meant to get you thinking about what makes you unique and why it matters. I'm thinking out loud, sharing that with you and hoping it inspires you to look at your reality with a slightly different lens. Here are what I used to believe were my five 'worst' personality traits. My current career has been based almost entirely on turning these negative traits into pathways for success. I spent a lot of years trying to overcome these things, then I realized that they are challenges that offer me unique insights into the world around me. Everything in life is about perspective. If you can turn your challenges into triumphs, your life will shift. Trust me.

1. Impatience

I think we've established that I am impatient. You may think I'm exaggerating that trait, but I can assure you that my impatience is legendary. I simply can not stand waiting for things to happen or taking an extended amount of time to focus relentlessly on one tedious task. I look at people who have patience and the amazing things they can do with that and I am endlessly impressed. I used to think my impatience was my achilles heel and truth be told, it was. Then I realized that it's actually the driving force of my creativity. I am constantly looking for the path of least resistance. I will rework a concept in my mind endlessly until I discover a way to get there faster and more efficiently. That's a dichotomy to ponder, I patiently seek the impatient solution! I will never seed bead a car. Ever. I will, however, come up with innovative and interesting ways to use the variety of materials and tools at hand to create my own impatient masterpieces. I joke that I'm either incredibly lazy or a Zen master in training, which is of course, all about perspective.

2. Transparency

I have always lived out loud. I have never been good at hiding my feelings or my opinions. I started talking before I was a year old and some might contend that I have not stopped since. I would assert that the hours and hours I spend in total silence in my studio are evidence to the contrary, but I digress. I am excellent at keeping a secret, but I love to share my ideas and thoughts and experiences with others. That has, on occasion, been a problem for me when I'm surrounded by people who feel threatened or are seeking ideas to claim as their own. It can also be annoying to those around me who are subjected to my snarky rants about this or that bee that has lodged itself in my bonnet. The flip side is that my books, blog and videos have a humorous personal voice that makes people feel as if I'm talking directly to them and not lecturing them from a podium. I show the seams and share the not so fun stuff and I think that really does make people feel empowered to take creative risks.

3. Longing for Connection

Perhaps having moved over 27 times has made me hyper aware of the importance of connection. There have been endless studies that focus on the hard wiring in our brains for connecting strongly with others. That can be a good thing when people come together to elicit positive change or solve problems or create new pathways. It can be a very bad thing when people come together and start creating fear, war, hatred and misunderstanding by exploiting the concept of 'the other.' That deep longing for connecting with others has been a challenge for me at times. I sometimes work to create connections that sound good on paper, but end up being not very positive. I sometimes feel lonely and disconnected Not everyone sees the world as one big interconnected synergistic wonderland and that means some folks will take advantage of those of us who do. As James Taylor once sang "They'll hurt you, then desert you, they'll take your soul if you let them." I am taking that desire for connection these days and turning it into a platform for building my crafty empire. It's a work in progress, but so far it seems to be working out. You, gentle reader, are part of that experiment.

4. Perfectionism

I know, you're thinking, "WHAT?!" How can someone be pathologically impatient AND a perfectionist? Well, my little buttercup, they can. I may not want something to take a long time, but galdangy I want it to look good. I can accept a little snark under the box lid, or a small splodge on the back of a design, but I freak out when there's even a small virtually imperceptible fly in the ointment of my creations. I will resort to a Photoshop fix sometimes, but generally that little buzzing fly will drive me batty until I fix it. I have a very large reject pile. Wanting things to happen quickly drives a lot of my work, wanting them to look good drives a lot of my success. The perfectionism tempers the impatience. It's actually a good balance.

5. Smarty Panties Syndrome

Yes, I'm an insufferable smarty panties. I have an incredibly fast moving brain, which is a great thing for someone who loves learning, but can be a pain in the arse for folks trying to keep up with me! I love research, I love knowledge and I do quite love being right. I'm always right, unless I'm wrong, which is never. Therefore, I am always right. Whatever belief I hold at any given moment is held with absolute conviction. I am, though, very good at listening, debating and being flexible. I make sure I can back up my beliefs with factual information I've gathered by extensive research. If I'm presented with compelling evidence to the contrary, I'm not afraid to change my mind. Being a bag of hot air is not the same as being a smarty panties. I have taken my love of knowledge and turned that into a career where I get to preach about what I believe on a regular basis. It's the Church of Craft and I do love to deliver a good sermon. I'm trying these days not to preach to the choir, though. That's been a challenge!

So, gentle reader, think about five traits that you possess that might, with a little perspective, actually be pathways to your success. We can't really change who we are intrinsically, but we can fine tune and focus our personality in positive ways. I'd love to hear about that, so feel free to leave a comment!

Love
Madge

Expectation

Photo Copyright Margot Potter 2006

I've had a long week.  I think too much.  I think too much and overact too quickly.  I'm hypersensitive and prone to melodramatic explosions. I have a deeply rooted desire to 'give the world a Coke and furnish it with love' and that can lead to my rose colored glasses being a lot too rosy.  Then when something happens to knock them off I'm shocked and dismayed to see that what seemed so rosy was really rather not.

Gifts should have bows on them, but they should not have strings attached.  It is good to do for others and it is good to be giving, but you don't have to give it all away and if you do and you get screwed in the process you have no one to blame but yourself.  Nobody owes you anything. If you do for others, you should do it because it feels good and if they turn around and hurt you, and they might, you still did the right thing.  The wheels of karma will make the adjustment.

Expectation is a slippery slope and one I upon which I am trying not to slide anymore.  That is going to begin with remembering not to give it all away.  Don't give anything away if you can't afford to completely release it. Don't give anything away you can't afford to lose. That also goes for lending and sharing.  Don't lend or share anything you can't afford to lose.  No, seriously.  I mean stuff, I mean information, I mean contacts, I mean connections, I mean friends...

...you get my point.  That's not to say don't give, just don't give it all away and then be indignant when it's all gone.  Don't be afraid to say, "No." 

Even when it feels like it's true, the truth is everyone is not out to get you. Everyone is out to get theirs. You aren't even on their radar.  So if you've invited them to the party and they bogart the appetizers or steal the silverware or pee in your pool, simply take them off of the guest list. 

I am trying to learn how to give freely without giving it all away.  I am trying to find the balance between paying it forward and draining my favor bank.  I am trying to remember that I can't live my life expecting others to make me happy.  Happiness is not a reaction to external stimuli, it's a choice.  I don't need to buy the world a Coke or furnish it with love.  The best way to spread joy is to live joyfully and to let go of  attachment.  The best way to furnish the world with love is to start with your own living room.  You can love others without showing your panties to everyone that asks.

xoxo
Madge