Some New Year's Zen...and Then Some.

"After a certain age you have to choose between your fanny and your face." Catherine Deneuve

I'm not sure why it is that as we age, time flies faster and faster. This scientifically proven fact* seems to fly in the face of the ancient citizens living in my corner of Tennessee who have taken slow driving to a whole new level of frustrating. You'd think they'd be racing to keep up with the ever accelerating pace of the passage of time, but it appears that slowing waaaaaaaaaay down is a deeper form of denial.

"No, time is not going faster as I get older. See? It took me ten minutes to make that turn. Ten minutes! Take that, hourglass!"

It's just that Christmas seems to be here again before you can say Kris Kringle and I could swear it was just New Year's yesterday and the time keeps slipping into the future so rapidly and so inconsequentially it's positively baffling. Almost, but not quite as baffling as that run on sentence. One wonders, meaning this blogger wonders, exactly how to stay in the moment when the moment is so fleeting?

Ah, grasshopper, this is the question. Where is that Zen Master when you need him?

I have gained an ongodly amount of weight this year. Welcome to menopause, Madge. One can only hide behind so many drapey sweaters and large planters. It has been slowly coming on over the past two years, but this summer with the move and the stress and the excessive eating at restaurants...well SHAZAM. My ass is billboard worthy, and no, it's not worthy of putting on a billboard. It is however worthy of renting out as prime advertising space. It's Madge's Ass-o-gram. Got something you want to say? Let my posterior help you say it with attitude!

Call now, operators are standing by. So is a team of structural engineers who doubt these jeans are going to hold on much longer.

That's all I have to say about that. Suffice it to say, Madge is getting her smaller ass back this year. Operation Booty Shrink is about to take flight.

Besides I refuse to buy a larger size of jeans and I really like my clothing collection.

I'm a Leo, we are vain and silly creatures.

I usually have some profound advice to share on New Year's and I swear I would pull some out of the old kit bag, but I'm fresh out of profound. Here's all I've got and there ain't no more.

Life is short. People say that often and it's a trite little thought that actually rings true. Most of the things we think are important aren't even remotely real. The only thing that is real is love. The love you share with those around you and the love you allow others to share with you is real. Do go ahead and allow others to share it with you, even when you don't much feel the love. Think of it as a chain, now you be the next link and share it with someone else. See how that works? You can't be a link if you can't accept the love and pass it on.

That's a kind of profound little thought there, maybe you can mull it over with your New Year's champagne. You can't be a link if you can't accept the love and pass it on. If you just pass it on like it's a hot potato and don't allow it to wash over you and through you and make you feel that rush of being alive, you're not really living.

All of the things we do every day to feel important are for the most part illusions. It's the smallest gestures of kindness that matter. It's the moments we let go of our ego and our attachments and our concerns about the size of our asses in which we shine. Those moments seem to go far more slowly, have you noticed that?

So I raise my glass to you and wish you all of the joy you can stand and then some. You deserve it. And big ass or small, so do I.

Love
Madge

Go see my Champagne Wishes Video for Jewel School! No really! Go!

*Don't consult Lord Google, this is not a scientifically proven fact. I was just exaggerating for literary effect.