In Search of the Compassionate Heart

Image from The Wizard of Oz 1939 Director Frank Fleming

There are times when I start to feel so totally beaten up by life and mean people and day to day crap that it's hard to stay on the sunny side. I've worked so hard to get where I am and yet...still...there are always going to be people who simply don't get it, get me, like me, act kindly to me. It's not just me, this is true for all of us. There are always going to be people who have no compunction at all about kicking other people squarely in the gut just to watch them fall over and gasp for air. For the most part, these people are petty, small and insecure and hurting others makes them feel powerful.

One can know this and yet, still, it hurts doesn't it?

I'm working on a list of situations to avoid and conversely situations to embrace as I continue the relentless pursuit of joy:

1. Don't read internet comments, reviews or message boards where you might be the topic of conversation. Yes, they may say lovely things that make you feel good, but the flip side of that is there is no shortage of nasty trolls out there who take great pleasure in saying nasty things about people they don't know. Everyone has an agenda, even nasty trolls. If you believe every good thing that is said about you, it's possible there may be some kernel of truth to the not so good things. I'm just saying. At the very least, if they're talking about you, you've made some impact!

2. Never, ever, ever give your power to anyone else. No one is superior to you. Personal and professional relationships succeed when they're based on mutual respect. If someone treats you like crap and you allow it, you are to blame.

3. Choose your battles and don't be afraid to stand your ground. It's okay to say no emphatically. Often capitulation leads to misery. If you feel it deeply down to your core, you're probably right. Proceed with that in mind.

4. Don't allow other people to define you. You define you. Period.

5. Remember that popularity is an illusion. Fame is a drug. True joy comes from loving yourself and loving others and knowing that a few real friends are worth thousands of acquaintances. The moment you start to feel important, you're drinking the Kool-Aid. You're no more or less important than anyone else on the planet.

6. Shit happens to everyone. Your tragedy and triumph are not unique. When you have a bad day or a bad week, the universe is not conspiring against you and you alone. Chances are there are millions of people having a much worse week than you...and millions on the flip side of that equation. There are choices, consequences and then the x-factor is chaos. We can only control how we react when chaos takes the wheel.

7. If you can find something to laugh about in the middle of chaos, you're doing better than most people.

8. Words and actions have consequences. People have feelings, just like you do. Choose your words wisely, strive always to be kind. Think how it would feel if what you're about to say (or write or do) was said or done to you. Seek the compassionate heart, it is why we are here.

9. For every crappy person, there is one Joe Anello from US Airways who goes out of their way to fix a broken itinerary, battle a broken computer, walk across the airport to get your new boarding passes and makes you remember that kind gestures matter...immensely.

10. Contrary to popular belief, sometimes it's about the journey and sometimes it's actually about the destination. Sometimes the journey sucks wind. When your plane gets rerouted twice, you spend hours trudging through a series of airports feeling like a zombie, the airline loses your luggage and their office is closed, your roommate locks you out in the freezing cold in the middle of the night, you're wearing sandals and leggings and you end up sleeping alone in a strange cold room without your PJs or make up remover and have to do the walk of shame the next morning to the lobby where everyone you're traveling with is enjoying a tasty breakfast, you think you lost your rental car keys and realize you didn't after you pay the roadside service guy fifty smackers to come out and unlock your car, the TOTALLY overpriced delivery guy forgets to leave napkins and cutlery with your mac n cheese and iceberg lettuce wedge so you have to eat them with your fingers, you take said aforementioned smelly dinner remnants to trash in your robe and the key becomes inactivated so you have to go to the front desk in your robe and slippers and then get back to realize the mini bar is not stocked with wine and you REALLY need it, you get intentionally screwed over while out of town and can't do a thing to stop it, you spend the week breathing second hand smoke through your compromised lungs, the chef gets your breakfast order wrong three times in forty five minutes... When a series of unfortunate events like these happen...it's ALL about the destination. Screw the journey. Because the only thing that is real is your family and being with them and you will walk through fire to get back to them. They'll lift you up, they'll wipe away your tears, they'll hold you closely when you cry big fat sobbing tears, they'll laugh when you recall the tragicomic details of your travels...and they'll remind you that Dorothy was right.

There is no place like home. That's where the compassionate heart was all along.

Rock on,
Madge